There was a time where I felt nothing at all. If you asked me at that time I would have told you it was the greatest thing in the universe. Break ups did not phase, death rolled off like a bad hair day, I felt nothing. I was empty inside and I bragged about it. Seeing others in pain and I could just walk away unscathed.
I once had a guy tell me I was a complete sociopath. My only thought was, “rude, why are you being so sensitive”. So many negative events in a short span of time had a tremendous effect on me. I had lost 7 close family and friends in one year including my father and grandfather. What followed only continued to get worse and quite frankly, I still have a lot I do not remember due to my mind trying to cope while going through such shock.
As I moved forward in my life I was living but only as an empty vessel. I did not feel joy or love but I also felt no pain. That was all that mattered, my soul could not take any more pain. But what is life without love, joy, laughter?? I ran away from the people I was closest to out of fear that I would one day have to deal with loosing them too. I sacrificed happiness to escape pain.
As I began my yoga practice I also began studying the chakra system. As I learned about the chakras and how they can become blocked I did not need to even guess where my energy was blocked. As I began to manifest my energy and work on balancing my chakras, I had to come to terms with quite a bit. But, learning to open my heart is irreplaceable. No matter what has happened, this is no way to live. We must allow our hearts to be open, feel and experience the energy and let it flow.
Since then, a few experiences have caused my body’s defense to go back up but, I will not allow it to close. Being present, clearing my mind and meditating. Talking myself through it and willing my heart no matter how great the pain… I know joy. I know love. I know laughter. I am finally living again. I look back and am saddened by how much I missed out on. If you feel like I did I challenge you look into what you can do to free yourself of this block. As practice, try paying attention to what you experience on the day-to-day and letting it go. Literally everything. Whatever you see, feel it, then let it pass without further thought.
Please feel free to share you experiences or thoughts on any chakra blocks.